Red Life
by LostK9Girl
Summary: Follow the dark tale of Holly Knowles, cousin to the clumsy Bella Swan, as her already FUBAR world gets turned upside down. Bella/Jacob Other cannon parings. Explicit content.
1. Prolouge

**Red life**

**AN: I apologize for the length of this AN but I feel that it is needed so none become confused. This is a crossover with Twilight and my personal universe. Most likely crossover won't appear until part two, with probably only reference or concepts of vamps/shifters/characters in part one. Part one follows the early life to early twenties of my original character Hollianda Knowles who is the cousin of Isabella "Bella" Swan on her fathers side. In part two Bella, Cullens, and part of the pack debut into Holly's life and turn it FUBAR. Majority of this story will be told in Holly's POV, any other POV will most likely be short inserts while Holly is sleeping or otherwise out of commission. Also for Twilight timeline use 2012 for the beginning of part two. I hated Breaking Dawn and the fact that Bella chose Edward in Eclipse, so to rectify this Jacob imprinted on Bella, yes Jacob/Bella pairing it kind fits in with Holly's situation, and it was Bella that answered the phone in New Moon so Edward didn't run off to Italy, but the Cullens did come back. Basically take Eclipse and Breaking Dawn and throw them out, the newborn fight didn't happen yet and will not happen until well into part two.**

**WARNINGS: First off I am a lesbian, that being said most of my previous lovers have at least one point in our relationship have called me a kinky bitch, I blame my past experiences which have led to my extreme distrust of men, take that however you want. So because of this Holly will reflect myself. This story WILL contain hints of underage drinking, drug use, and sex. Also this story WILL contain rape, torture, lesbianism, bestiality (sex between a human and animal), and psycho-social issues. Some of these warnings will be graphic others only a brief reference, a graphic scene WILL be labeled with Xx - Scene/lemon xX. If any of this disturbs you, anything of importance in those scenes will be mentioned again at another time. Also be fore warned that there will be blood, language, violence, and there is a slight chance of there being some racial slurs but at this point there isn't any. **

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own Twilight and unless Stephenie Meyer wants to marry me I doubt I'll ever will. By the way this will be the only disclaimer I'll ever do here.**

**CHAPTER ONE: Prologue **

**Xx May. 2 2007 xX**

My name is Hollianda Knowles, and I am a vampire. No not really. I am just a regular 19 year old girl, mid back length brown hair, green eyes, pale as fuck white skin with some European features. Last time I checked I stood at about 5'4" and weighed in at a whopping 106 lbs, Dr. Greene says I'm too skinny but I feel pretty comfortable so no brownies for me. I'm also good with my B-cups, suited my gymnastics lifestyle. Oh all most forgot about my fuck-awesome frames for my glasses, I love these bitches, they're thick and black-cherry red, my favorite color, they make my green eyes pop. Clothing wise, well mom says a dress like a guy but I don't really like anyways so she can go suck my imaginary dick for all I care, I prefer to wear my ripped jeans and black baggy T-shirt but I'll wear any dark color. I only wear sandals. Period. Anyone says something they can suck my dick too. Though right now I'm wear white sweats, barefoot, working a straight-jacket for trying to gnaw my mother's throat out with my teeth, and locked in a padded isolation cell at St. Jonas's mental health clinic. Maybe I should explain.

**Xx Jul. 4 1993 xX**

"In two days I'm a be six! Six Mommy six! I'm a be a big girl, right Mommy?" I sang. I was so happy then, carefree, innocent ... and so_ naive. _"If think your going to be a big girl then you need to speak correctly! It's I _will_ be six and and I _will_ be a big girl. Haven't you learned anything at that school?" My mother spat out. Bitch. _Why doesn't Mommy ever says nice things to me? Mrs. Anderson also is so nice to her little girl. Doesn't Mommy know I love her?_ "I'm sorry Mommy I was just happy. _I love you._" I whispered, letting a tear fall. "Are you crying? You better not be crying! Go put your dress on so we can go to your Uncles party." She yelled. "Okay Mama." I said as I rushed up to my room before she could see more tears.

Closing my door quietly I sank to my knees silently sobbing._ She hates me. __**Yep she hates you. But I love you. **__You have to love me your me_. I giggled to Scarlet my best friend, my only friend. _**I'm not you, I'm me!**__ Then who am I? __**Your you and I'm me!**__ But if I'm you and your me then how can I be me too? __**I'm going to bite you.**__ Does that mean your going to bite yourself? Should I bite myself to bite you back? _I giggled as I slipped on a yellow summer dress. _**Grrrrrrrrrr! **__Grrrrrrrrrr! Right back. _"Hollianda are ready yet!" The slut, mean mother called up to me. _**We should run away.**__ Where would we go? __**To Daddy's silly! **__He lives to far away, Mommy would just catch us and we'ed be in trouble. __**Baby. **__Meanie! _I retorted as I followed Mommy into the car.

Every year Uncle Todd host a Fourth of July party at his house cause he has the biggest pool. Usually it's just him, Mommy and me-excuse me _I,_ Uncle Mike, Aunt Kelly and their two sons Ben and Corey, but this year he invited a whole bunch of people for the bank that he works at, he's a teller. Normally this would be fine but I don't do so well in crowds, still don't. "Mommy w-w-who-o ar-r-re all th-h-hea-ase peop-ple?" I stuttered out. "Your Uncles coworkers. So you better not embarrass me, I might find you a new daddy in there." Watch out folks there's a cougar on the prowl. "Mommy I don't want a new Daddy. I already love my Daddy!" I declared. "Yeah? Well I don't, besides I haven't gotten a good lay in almost three months." Whore. _What's a "good lay" mean?__** I think that's when Mommy takes those boys into her room and we hear those noise.**__ Oh yeah! Mommy sure does scream really loud, it must hurt.__** I wonder if it means she gets a spanking?**__Does that mean Mommy wants a spanking? __**Probably she's weird.**__ Yeah._

I follow Mommy out back to where Uncle Todd stood with some men that he works with I think. She greets him with a hug and kiss to the cheek. "Sue! You guys finally made it. I was beginning to think you guys got lost." He said with a drunken smile. "We would have been here earlier but someone took her sweet time getting ready." She blamed me again, what a surprise. "Well what do you expect my little Holly berry has look when she comes to see her favorite Uncle." He slurred as he picked me up and gave me a sloppy kiss on cheek, another inch and it would have been my lips. I have never liked Uncle Todd, he's always trying to hold me and give me kisses. I don't like his kisses, they taste like beer and smoke. _**He's gross! **__ Mean too!_ I squirm my way out of his arms and back behind Mommy's leg. "Sue, let me introduce you to my manager Joe Fields. Joe this is my baby sister Susan Wyrms." My Mommy and Daddy never got married, but I glad I have his last name, Holly Knowles sounds better then Holly _Worms! __**Ewwww! Worms are gross too!**_ "Holly go mind Uncle Mike and see if you can play with Ben." Well I guess Mommy can't get a "_good lay" _if I'm holding her leg in a death grip._ Why can't she just hold me doesn't she realize that I am scared of all these people? And she wants me to go by myself?__** I'll protect you.**__ Promise Scar? __**Sure if they try anything l'll bite them.**_ Giggling again I made way through the crowds. By through the crowds I mean keeping a ten foot distance between me and every one else.

I finally found Uncle Mike and his wife over by the coolers, having a whispered conversation. "When are we going to be able to go Mike?" "Sweetie we have to at least stay until seven for the fireworks." Wait a minute, that's like uh... One... Two... Almost eight hours from now! It's going to be forever before I get to go home. "Mike I really don't want to stay that long, I mean I have a feeling something really bad is going to happen, can't we duck out early?" Aunt Kelly pleaded. "Ok Baby if you feel that strongly we can leave a few hours early." My Uncle conceded. What was that saying Mommy said? Kitty whipped...or something? "I'll make it up to you Mikey. I sure you can think something." My Uncle just looked like he got a new toy or something when she said that. _**Think he's going to get a "good lay?"**__ Maybe._

_ Okay enough playing spying lets go say hi._ I thought as made my way to the other side of the cooler. "Hi Uncle Mike! Hi Aunt Kelly! _Hi Corey!_" I whispered to the six month old baby in Aunt Kelly's arms. "Hello Holly." They greeted back, well except Corey he's still a baby so he can't talk but he gurgled so I'm taking it as a hello. "So Holly are you enjoying the party?" My Aunt asked. To tell the truth I am not sure how to answer. I mean do I lie and say it's great or do I tell the truth and say that I'm scared and I want my Mommy to hold me. _Do you think she'll hold me? __**I bet it wold be nice.**_ "No there's to many people and Mommy's busy." "Awww co'mere." Aunt Kelly said as she pull me to her after handing Corey to his Daddy. _**I was right it is nice.**__ Very nice. I wish Mommy would hold us like this.__** She wouldn't do it right. **__I know._

"So Holly, how's school?" My whipped Uncle asked, while his wife kept me on her lap and ran her fingers through my hair. _Soooo very nice!__** Purrrrrrrr!**_ "Um...uh it's okay. Mrs. Burns says I'm smart like really smart cause I can read books for older kids and I can spell really well too. But I am really bad a numbers. Mrs. Burns says when school starts again she going to talk with my new teacher have they're going to give me a special test." I hate numbers. It's not fair I can read books for fourth graders but I can't add or subtract without help. "You know Holly I'm a school teacher myself and it sounds like you have Dyscalculia or a math disorder. Basically you have trouble using and learning about numbers." Explained my Aunt. "Does that mean I'm stupid? Oh no! Their going to put me with the dumb kids and everyone will laugh at me and Mommy'll hate me." I started to cry. "No! No, no sweetie your not stupid! They'll probably put you in a regular class and when it's time for math they'll either bring in a special teacher or give you a different assignment. Your not stupid, just different. And nobody is going to laugh at you, unless you do something silly, and your Mother loves you very much, and she always will." Aunt Kelly soothed, as she held me tighter and rubbed my back. "All better now?" She asked. I just nodded whisper that I loved her. "Love you to baby girl." _I wish she was our Mommy._ Holly listen to Scarlet mutter her agreement. "So Holls you make any friends in school?" Uncle Mike asked in an effort to change the subject. "One. Her names Scarlet, she my best friend. We play together all the time."_**Your my best friend too!**_ I giggled again, she always knows how to cheer me up. "That's good. Hey there you are Ben! Why don't you and Holly go and play out in the yard?" "Come on Ben let's go look for _snakes!"_ I said, dragging him by the arm. I might have been a little excited, but I mean _come on_ snakes are _awesome! _They can shed their own _skin! _How cool is that! Not to mention they can move with no arms _and_ no legs! Woot!

**Xx Time skip Jul. 4 1993 4:27 pm xX**

Unfortunately Ben and I didn't find any snakes._** I told you we needed to look under the bushes behind the shed.**__ Well next time you go and I'll sit back and complain. __**Deal! No takes back.**__ Fine._ "Ben come here its time to go." Uncle Mike called to us. As we made our way toward them we could hear Uncle Todd talking to Uncle Ben. "Do guys really have to leave so soon? Come on the party's just getting started, plus I think Corey would like the fireworks." Uncle Todd tried to plead with them. "Sorry Todd but I am really not feeling to well and I would like to go home. We'll see you later." Said my Aunt with a tone finality. "Well alright then, drive safe." My Uncle surrendered. _No! Please Auntie don't leave me!_ I pleaded in my mind. And then they were gone, with me left behind.

_Oh no! Left me behind. Alone. With my Mommy. And all these people. So many people. Too many people. Way too many people! __**HOLLY! Calm down right now. Do you understand?**__ "Yes."_ I whimpered back._** Then you are going to do exactly what I say.**__ Okay.__** First go to the coolers and get a water. Good now get away the crowds and find somewhere to sit. Okay now close your eyes and count back from ten until you feel better.**__ Counting? You know I'm not good at that.__** DO IT!**__ O-okay. Ten...nine...um..seven? No! Eight then seven...six...five...f-four ...three?...two.._

_o-o-on-_ "Hello you look lonely over here." Said a tall blond man that was standing with his friends. _No...no..no... go away._ "Hey are you alright?" Asked one of the portly women the man was standing with. _I-I-I-I CAN'T DO IT!_ With that I bolted straight to my Mommy and jump right into her lap with my arms in a death grip around her neck. Spilling her drink in the process. "Holly what the fuck are you doing?" Mommy said while trying to pry me off._ W-w-why won't she h-hold me-e?_ "T-to-o-oo ma-any p-p-pe-eople. I-I-I'm scared. Please can we go h-home? _Please!_" I begged trying to burrow further into her neck. "Jesus Christ Holly! You need to get over this, and I mean like right now dammit! You are embarrassing me and your uncle in front of his bosses." She whispered in to my ear.

"Whats wrong Sue?" Uncle Todd asked. "Oh Holly's a little tired thats all." She responded after finally prying me off. _Why is she doing this? I just want her to hold me or take me home. Why wont she hold me? Mommies are supposed to hold you and tell you that your special and that they love you.__** She's broken.**__**She doesn't have a heart.**__ Everyone has a heart!__** We're not in hers.**__ B-but she's in mine. I love her!_ I started to sob. "Tired hun? Well why don't I go put upstairs in the guest room, and maybe read to her a little so she can relax some? I'll make sure to have her down in time for the fireworks!" Said my Uncle, already grabbing my hand. "Thanks Todd, have mentioned your my favorite brother lately?" _B-but I don't want a nap I want Mommy to hold me!_ "Not that I can recall." He called over his shoulder, leading to the house and up the stairs._**I don't like this.**_ Scarlet said referencing my Uncles hand on my back. If I knew what was to come you can bet I would have done everything in my power to get a way from this so-called_ man!_

**Xx Rape Scene xX**

My Uncle led me up the stairs, passed the guest room and straight into his. "I thought I was going to the guest room?" "My beds much more comfy." He pulled my shoes and socks off so he could picked me up and set me down on the middle of his huge bed. Then to my confusion he closed his door and locked it before pulling his own shoes and socks off. He sat next to me with his back against the head board. I squirmed away to the edge only to be pulled back against him. "Where do you think you are going my little Holly bush?"

I stayed quiet hoping he would go back downstairs. He didn't, instead he lifted my dress from knees and started to rub his hand along my thigh. I didn't understand what he was doing but I did _not_ like it at all. "I'm going to make you feel really good princess, do you want that?" he breathed into my face, I could smell the alcohol and rot from his teeth. Holding my breath I shook my head no. I just wanted him to leave. "Oh you like it rough hun, that's good cause I like that to." He said reaching into my panties. "I'll tell." I threatened. For a moment he stopped and I thought he was going to leave, but once I saw his face I knew exactly how wrong I was. "Your going to tell? Who? Your Mommy?" I nodded. That got him to laugh, and not a nice laugh either. "Little girl do you know who's outside? I have friends out there that'll like nothing more than to take your mom down to the basement and do things to her to make her scream and beg for death before they killed her. The only thing stopping them is me! So do what I say and no one will touch your Mom. Do you understand?" I sat there crying and nodded my head. "Good. Stand up and take your dress off." He commanded, while taking his own clothes off. Soon he was naked on the rubbing this _thing _between his legs, and I was there standing in just my panties.

"Would you look at that my little princess is wearing princess undies! Do you see what I am rubbing?" Again I nodded, still crying. "This is called a dick. It goes inside little girls like you." _That goes inside me?__** Gross!**__ How will fit it's so big? It'll rip me in half!_ I started to cry harder. Looking back I realized _His_ penis really wasn't that big, maybe 4 1/2'', but to a tiny five almost six year old that's huge! "Stop that crying and come here it's time you learned how to please a man." I did as I was told, and crawled to him. "Take your hand like mine and rub it like this." _Why is he doing this? I don't want to does this!_ As he makes me rub him, he begins to pant and his_ dick_ becomes harder. "Huff... that's good Holly. Really good. Now suck it!" _Huh?_ "W-w-what do you mean?" I asked confused. "Suck it. Like a popsicle. Do it now!" I lower my head to the tip of his _dick_ and began to suck it like he said. "Go lower. Put more in your mouth." I do it. Now I have about an inch of his thing in my mouth._ Eww this is gross. And it's so stinky. _"Go lower. Put it all in your mouth."_ All of it? I can't fit all of it!_ I fit as much as I can without gagging in, but apparently that wasn't enough. "I said all of it you stupid girl!" He yelled at me. He grabbed my hair and started forcing it all down my throat. It's getting hard to breathe._ Oh god I can't breath! Some help! _"That's it princess take your Uncle's cock. Take it all! _Ugh! _I'm about to cum and you better swallow it bitch!" _Cum? What does that mean?_ I pondered as he started to pound my face harder. Then it happened and I was choking. _What is that? Did he just pee in my mouth? I want my Mommy!_ He pushed me off him as I began to sputter and cough. "That was great princess." He complimented me, I just feel dirty. "Can I go to Mommy now?" I whimpered. It just cause him to laugh. "Princess we are just getting started."

I look at him in fear._ What does that mean? There's more? I think I'm going to be sick._ He yanked my arm to him and pinned my under him. "What a-are you doing?" I stuttered become even more scared. "Well my little princess, I going to make you a women." _A w-w-women?_ He slammed his mouth onto my already bruised lips._ Is this what he meant? Wait! What's he doing!_ He shoved is tongue in to my mouth and with his hand removed my panties. One hand is fisted in my hair his other is squeezing some clear stuff on his _thing._ "Now we're ready." "Ready f-for w-w-what?" "This!" With that he slammed his dick to the hilt in me causing me to scream. He cover my mouth with his hand to muffle my screaming and crying. "You stupid little cunt! I told you not to scream! Now I am going to have to hurt you." He balled up his dirty under ware and shoved it in my mouth, and roughly bruised my hips in his grip as he pounded in to me. _OH GOD! It hurts so bad. Mommy...Mommy...Mommy...help? Why me? Is that blood? Why is there blood? Did he really do it? I'm dying! He ripped me in half._ "God baby your so tight. You feel so good baby doll. Doesn't it feel good?" _No! Nononononononooooo! It hurts! _I continued to cry. _**I'm sorry Holly. **__...Scar? __**I'm here Holls. **__It ...hurts. __**I know. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. **__It's not your fault, I love you.__** I love you too.**_ For what felt like hours he pumped into me, but really it was only minutes. "I'm cumming baby doll!" He shouted as he peed in me again._ Finally it's over. _I lay there quivering in pain wish I could just wake up and it have all been a bad dream. All I could think was thank God it's over and now I can go back to Mommy and try to get her to hold me. Then I heard it. The thing that sent me right back into the inferno. "Well princess you still have another hole for me to fill. Ready for round two?" _I want Mommy._

**Xx End Rape Scene Jul. 4 1993 6:39 pm xX**

It's over. For real this time. _He_ told me so. "Ahhh now that was one of the best lays I've ever had. Here you that to clean up. Then get dressed and come down stairs. Got it? Oh and don't do any thing stupid downstairs, like telling, or I'll introduce your Mother to my special friends. Understand?" He said throwing an old T-shirt at me. I just nodded. _"Lay?" That was a lay? Mommy wants one of those?__** I think that was a "bad lay". **__But he said it was one of his best?__** He's a bad man.**__ Very bad._ I limped downstairs to find my mommy. I found her, but I wish I hadn't. She was sitting with that Joe kissing him like _He_ did to me. At first I thought that he must be one of _His _special friends, but then I heard Mommy making happy noises, so I guess she likes it. I decide to just stay near her until we leave. Unfortunately this left me with my rapidly declining thoughts._ He was in me. IN ME! He wasn't supposed to. He's bad man. Very bad. Super really bad. He's dirty. He made me dirty. Dirty. Filthy. Nasty. Me. I'm dirty. I don't want to be. I want to be clean. Me clean. Want clean. Need clean. Need to __**be**__ clean. Have to get clean. So so very dirty. Why am I dirty. Him. He made...me... dirty. He...c-c-came... in me? No...no...nononononononono. He's in me! In me! HE'S STILL IN ME! I have to get him out!_ At some point in my silent breakdown I began to shiver and cry. I was so out of it I didn't even notice the fireworks, or Mommy giving Mr. Fields her phone number, or the drive home.

I was trapped in my mind. Walk in the house my Mommy asked me if I had fun. I told her no and she asked why? "Because he's still in me." I whispered. "What are you talking about Holly? Who's in you." She asked confused. "U-uncle T-t-tod-d-d. H-he made m-m-me-e t-touch h-him, and h-h-he p-pu-u-t-t h-h-his th-h-hing-g in me-e. H-he told m-me if I t-t-tell. H-he'll hurt-t y-y-you!" I sobbed into her belly. Mommy just stood there and I kept crying, hoping that she'll help me get clean. I really wanted _Him _out. "What did you say?" She asked holding me at arms length. "I said h-he t-to-" "I heard you the first time!" She yelled at me. _Why is she yelling at me? I j-just want her help._ "I don't ever want to hear you making such horrible lies like that again! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!" She screamed at me, enforcing it with a back-hand to the cheek. "Go to your room, in the morning your going to apologies for make up such a story, and if your lucky I won't tell your Uncle about this. Now go!

I quickly limp up the stairs to my room and into my bathroom. I stripped, throwing my bloody panties into the trash and turn the shower to the hottest setting. I can't tell if I was still crying or not but I think I stopped. I don't know how long I was in there but I do know that it was long enough to rub my skin raw and for the water to turn my lips and fingers blue. Turning off the water I put on a pink night gown, and climbed in to bed._ I don't like pink. __**Me either. Are you okay?**__ No. But I'm happier. __**Why?**__ I got him out!_ I thought erupting into a fit of giggles. I didn't know it then but this was the first of two events that ultimately led to my current predicament.

**An: Okay end of chapter one. In case you forgot Holly is locked in solitary confinement for attacking her mother, and this and the next few chapters will be her school years. I in no way or form condone rape in any form. It is a curse that lingers for the rest of your life, trust me I know, but for this story it has to happen. There will only be one more rape scene in a few chapters, and truthfully it is going to be difficult for me to write because it is based of my own experience, but like this one it has to happen. Assure you that after that any and all sex scenes will be consensual. Oh just so know Scarlet isn't just an imaginary friend. She is actually a hallucination and delusion caused by Early Onset Schizophrenia. I know that it is exceedingly rare in children under 13 but it can and does happen, and unfortunately do to the traumatic experiences she has and will face it gets worse. Now she wont be permanently be so bad but until she gets to St. Jonas she is basically untreated. So once she become medicate the psychosis that she is going to into will begin to dissipate to were her schizophrenia won't be as noticeable to the untrained eye. **


	2. Elementary School is hell

**Red life:**

**CHAPTER TWO: Elementary school is hell**

**Xx Jul. 5 1993 xX**

When I woke up I was confused. I didn't know why it hurt so bad between my legs. Then it came back to me. _"I'm going to make you a women, princess." _I remembered. I remember _Him_ in me, and the shaking came back as I cried. After rushing to the bathroom to throw up, I made my way downstairs for breakfast. Siting at _my_ chair at the table I wait for Mommy to fix my breakfast._ It's my chair. Mine. Maybe I should put my name on it? _"Well?" Mommy asked me setting down a plate of biscuits._ Well what? __**She wants you to apologize for the lie you told.**__ IT WASN'T A LIE! __** I know. And don't yell at me!**__ Sorry. I'm mad. Mommy's dumb._ "I'm sorry for telling lies." I lied, how Ironic. "Go on." I grit my teeth. "Uncle T-todd never t-t-touched me." I said becoming sick again_._ _I'm not so hungry any more.__** Try to eat.**__ Okay._ "Good. I am going out to dinner with Joe tonight so your going to spend that night at Mikes house. Okay?" I nodded. "Go pack a bag then we are leaving in a couple hours." _She's sending me away? Why can't I stay in my room. I like my room. It's MINE! And purple, I like purple. __**We should tell Aunt Kelly. **__NO! She'll think we're bad! Dirty! She won't like us any more, like Mommy. __**Your wrong. **__I don't want to be right._

The ride to my Aunts and Uncles house was a short one. They only lived a few blocks away. As we pulled into their drive way, Mommy turned to me. "Your going to behave right? No lying?" "No lying Mommy." I got out and walked to the front door, she stayed in the car. Not to seconds after I knocked my Aunt opened the door. Just as I was about to say hello, Mommy honked her horn and drove away. "Well that was kind of rude." "She's busy." I supplied. "Too busy to greet the people taking care of her daughter?" "I guess so." "Well come inside and give me a hug." I froze._ "Ugh so tight baby girl! I'm going to cum inside you baby girl!" No! Don't think it! Don't. It's over. Done._ "You okay Holly?" She asked, picking me up. "I'm fine." I hissed when she touched one of my bruises. "Did you get hurt?" She asked starting to pull up my shirt. "No! I mean yes I fell down the stairs this morning, but Mommy took care of it. I'm okay really." I lied to her._ Uh oh I lied. __**Your a bad girl now you need to be punished.**_ I started giggling. Seeing that I wasn't hurt, she smiled at me and put me down.

"Since your okay and Mike won't be home until Six, how about you help me put Corey down for a nap, and then me, you, and Ben can go watch some movies 'till dinner. I think pizza sounds good. What do you think?" I smiled and said it sounded great.It took us longer than we thought it would putting Corey to sleep. _**Little brat! Just needed to do what he was told a went to bed! **__Don't say that he's a baby. They're all like that. __**We're never getting one of those little monsters. **__Agreed._ I thought back as I helped Auntie picked up from the _**Brat's**_ bath. "Okay how about you go pick out the movie and I'll find your wayward cousin." She told me with an suspicious look, I guess I didn't hide my whimpers enough while picking up the toys, oh well.

I found my self in my Uncle's study, it's where they keep their collection. Truly I just didn't know what to pick, so I closed my eyes and picked one from the bottom row. Oddly enough it was one of my favorite movies the _'Wizard of Oz'._ _I love this movie! The witch can fly on a broom! I wish I could fly on a broom.__** Me too! We could have races!**_ Aunt Kelly was already in the Tv room setting it up when I came in. "What did you pick? Ooo the _'Wizard of Oz'_ I love that one." "Me too." I said sitting on the couch while Ben sat in his dad's chair. _It's brown. I don't like brown. His eyes were brown. I looked in them when he ca- No! Don't think it! Don't do it! _"Aww is my little Ben to grown up to snuggle with his Mommy? Thats okay Holly with snuggle with me right?" She asked sitting next to me. _W-what? She wants to snuggle? Mommy never wants to do that. _I nodded whipping the one lone tear before she could see it, and moved into her side as tight as I could.

Truthfully I didn't even watch the movie or the one that Ben picked, something about a train I think, no instead I kept tucked into my Aunts side. Her sent, apples and cinnamon, it kept the bad thoughts away. I could hear her breathing and her heart beating it calmed me so I tried to match mine to hers. I could feel the softness of her breast and of her arm wrapped around me. It made me feel safe, like I was in a warm silk cocoon, protected like nothing would ever hurt me again. I like it so much that I didn't move after the movies were over and she let me. It was like she knew what I needed with out me telling her. Like she knew what happened and I was still scared, more like terrified really. But like all real things it eventually comes to an end. "Lucy I'm home!" My silly Uncle called. Patting my leg she got up. "In here Ricky!" She called back. _No! I wasn't done yet. __**Stop being a baby she's not your mom. **__No...she's better._ "Well there's my favorite niece come give me a hug." _I can't...I can't. __**You have to or they'll think something's wrong. **__Something is wrong!__** But if they find out they'll tell Mommy. Just give him a quick one. **__I'll try._ I ran and quickly hugged him around the legs and ran out back. _**See that wasn't so bad was it?**__ No. It was worse._

After an hour of just sitting out back doing nothing, my Uncle called to tell me that the pizza was here. One small cheese for Ben, one small veggie for Aunt Kelly, and a large pepperoni and sausage for me and Uncle Mike, all of our favorite. "Hey why don't we play Monopoly, that was my favorite game growing up?" I said it was fine with me as I sat next to Auntie. As he set up the game I went and put my dish in the dishwasher after my two slices. For me the game was hard. Trying to figure out how much rent I had to pay, was what I meant. Luckily Auntie help cause my Uncle who is now being shunned tried to get me to pay more than I had to. _**Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater!**_ Even with cheating he still lost to his wife. She says it's cause she balances the checkbook. Still the game lasted a couple of hours and I had fun.

Helping my aunt put away the kitchen. She announced that it was time for me to go to bed. _I don't wan't to go! what if He comes back.__** Ask if she'll stay with you.**_ "A-auntie? C-could you stay with me until I fall asleep?" "Did you have a bad dream last night?" She asked. _Bad dream and a worse day._ I nodded. "Sure I'll stay just let me tuck Ben in and I'll be right back." I nodded again. She was only gone a few minutes so I barley had enough time to pull on my a Pjs before she could see my bruises. "Ready?" She asked. She climb under the covers and I followed. At first I was a little nervous being in a bed with an adult after last time but I beat it down and snuggled into my Aunt.

I am mot sure how long she held me but I didn't care, I liked it. I was safe, I was happy, I was pissed, when my comfort-blocking Uncle popped his head in."She asleep?" He whispered. "I think so. Come sit over here." He did and sat on the other side of me, subconsciously I shifted closer to my Aunt. "Mike? Did you notice anything different about Holly today?" He was quiet for a minute. "Besides being a little quite, though she's always quiet, the only thing I can think of would be when I asked her to give me a hug, she almost looked scared. Oh and when I went to tell her the pizza was here, she was just sitting on the porch staring off into space. I thought she was just sick. Why?" He asked confused. "I noticed a few things today." I can feel my Uncle stiffen. "What do you mean." He asked. "Well. When I answered the door it was just her standing there and as soon as Sue saw me she just waved and drove away. I thought it was odd but Holly just acted like it was normal, and then when picked her up she actually whimpered as if she was hurt. When I asked her what was wrong she said that she fell down the stairs this morning but when I went to check she started freaking out saying her Mom already took care of it. I let it go. Then when she was helping with Corey's bath and the clean up the back of her shirt rode up and I saw something." I stiffened._ She saw! She knows!_ "I think it was bruises, but they don't look like something from a fall, they look like hands. I didn't want to say anything until I talked to you." She stopped and looked at her husband. "Go on." He said. "When we were watching the movie I let her snuggle with me and first she acted like she didn't know what I was talking about but then she practically launched herself into my side and held on like as if she let go I would fade away. In fact she actually didn't let go until you came home and that was an hour after the movie." _It didn't seem like that long to me. Weird?_ "Then just before we came in here she asked me to stay like she was terrified to go to sleep."

I didn't like were this conversation was going._ Their going to find out! they'll know I'm dirty, filthy, disgusting. They'll send me away! _"Sweetie I want to see these bruises." My Uncle said._ NO!_ He started to lift up my shirt. I clung tighter to my Aunt and started shaking. "Mike wait." My Aunt whispered, then turned down to me. "Honey are you a wake?" I shook even harder, and soaked her shirt with my tears. "Shhhh it's okay Holly. I've got you. I won't let you go." I wanted to believe her, I really did, but I couldn't. "Is it okay if I ask you something?" I nodded. "Okay. Does your Mommy hit you?" _Only last night. _"No."_**You should tell them about yesterday. **__Only if they ask. _"Does anyone hit you?" I shook my head. "How about touch? Has anyone touched you where their not supposed to or that you didn't want them to?" A nod this time. "Can you tell me where?" _I can't say it!_ Another shake. "Can I show me?" This time I nod. I pointed to my lips and then my chest. "Your mouth and your chest? Anywhere else?" Another nod, followed by me touching between my legs, and but. "They touched you there too? Can you tell me what they did?" _I don't think I can!_ "H-h-he t-t-to-uched-d m-me and-d p-p-p-p-u-u-t-t _His _t-thing-g in m-m-me-e!" I cried. I cried and griped her so hard I think I made bruises. _**Look what your doing! Your being pathetic! Your hurting her! Just like he hurt you! **_"I'm s-sorry." I apologized. "Sweetie you didn't do anything wrong, but I'd like to tell me who did this to you." _"I can't!"_ I practically scream-whispered. "Why won't you tell us?" I stayed silent. "Okay you don't have to tell us but we'll talk to your mother in the morning." "NO! I don't want any one to know!" I sobbed out. "Sweetie we have to tell her this is very serious." _No! She can't find out I told! _"I lied! No one t-touched m-me! I lied! I'm sorry!" I yelled. She look at me with pity. Come to find out I hate pity. "Don't look at me like that." I hissed, scooting back from her. "All right Holly we won't say anything but I want you to promise that you'll tell us if this every happens again. Okay?" She looked defeated. "Okay" I promised to her. We lay there looking at each other until she gave in and pulled me flush to her. Some time after that Uncle Mike left to go to his own bed I assumed while Aunt Kelly stayed in bed holding me until late the next morning.

**Xx Jul. 6 1993 Afternoon xX**

Like they promised, neither of them said anything to my mother about last night, but I could see it in their eyes. They were pleading with me to change my mind so they could tell. I denied them. Which kind of made me feel bad because earlier this mooring when we woke up they surprised me with a birthday breakfast and their gift to me. It was something that I had always wanted to do. they had bought me a membership to a gymnastics class that met every Thursday after school. Aunt Kelly even ofter to take me there when I got out and pick me up to go home when it was over. I was so thankful that I almost let them tell Mommy. Key word? Almost.

Mommy had come to pick me up around one and stayed for a little while having coffee with my Aunt. "You seem like your in a good mood today Sue." My Aunt said. "Yep I just had most likely the best sex I've ever had last night." I blanched. _"That was probably the best I've ever had my little princess."_ I think I'm going to be sick. I had to get away. When my Mommy was ready to go she found me sitting on the couch "Ready?" She asked. I grabbed my bag and led the way to the door. "Bye Holly I hope you can come over again soon." I gave her a hug and whispered that I loved her into her neck. Like the ride to my Aunts and Uncles, the ride home was almost silent. "This came in the mail for you." Mommy said handing me a small package. "It's from your father." _Daddy sent me something? _I tore it open to find a round silver locket with my name carved into it. Inside was a picture of my father holding me as a baby. Looking back in the box, I found a letter.

**My Baby Girl,**

** I know that I haven't really been there for you but I want to to know that I am always thinking of you, and I want to be there for you, because I love you and I always will no matter what. I wanted to tell you that I met a women and we have gotten married so you have a new Step-Mom, I really hope you'll like Katherine because she's been dying to meet you. I guess I talk about you a lot. Also I wanted you to know that your going to have a little sister. I really do miss you baby girl and I hope one day your mother we'll let you come up here to Connecticut to send some time with me.**

** Love, Daddy**

By the time I finished reading the letter I was in tears. "Whats wrong?" Mommy asked me. "Daddy says he loves me." I whispered. Mommy looked at me like I had two heads. "Isn't that a good thing?" She asked. "Yes. I think it is." But truly I had no idea. What if he found about about it? Would he care? Would he not want me anymore? Or would he still love me and want to help me like my Aunt? I want to believe, but like with my Aunt I just can't.

Besides a few non-important gifts from my Mommy and a store bought cake, nothing really happened. Just me sitting watching Tv and secretly listing to my Mommy talk to Joe on the phone. _Mommy sure does seem happy talking to him. __**I bet he's really an evil banana trying to take over Mommy's head to make her his slave. **__Why do you think that? __**Cause the coffee table said so. **_It was then that I tuned into my mother again. "Tonight? My daughter here...no, no you can come." _He's coming here?_ "Holly? Mommy's friend is going to come over so I want you to get ready for bed." "B-but it's only seven, can't we watch a movie or s-something? Together?" I tried to plead. "Don't argue with me." I made my way up the stairs I looked back. I'm sure she saw the beginnings of tears as I tried one last time to sway her to my side, _"B-but it's m-my birthday-y?" _Still it had no effect. As I lied in my bed after my shower, I was kept awake by the sounds coming from Mommy's room. They reminded me of what _He_ sound like. They just added more fuel to my nightmares.

**Xx Aug. 23 1993 xX**

It's the first day of school and Mommy just dropped me off. I have always liked school but hated actually being _at_ school. Truly it terrified me. So many people in one room, and then every one wants to sit close together. Not me. Oh no, I prefer just me and Scarlet sitting in the corner minding our own business. The problem is that people always try to sit with us and when I tell them to go away or I get up to move I always get in trouble.

Finding Mr. Wynters classroom was easy enough. So was finding my seat, it had my name tag on it. What confused me thought was that I was the only one at my table when everyone else was in groups of three to four. _Odd? __**Or he probably heard about last time when those kids wouldn't leave us alone.**__ Most of her hair grew back. _The day was the same as any other first day until we got back from lunch. Mrs. Burns was waiting at my desk for me. "Hello Holly." She greeted me. She told me that she was going to take me down to the principal office so we could take my special test so I needed to bring my stuff. When we got there was already a desk and my test set up. Mr Derik, the principal, told me I could begin. Almost three hours later I finally finished all forty-five questions, and I found Mommy waiting for me with Mr. Derik and Wynters, and Mrs. Burns. We were all quiet as she graded my test.

"Well you answered 23/45 correct in three hours." Mrs. Burns began. "Unfortunately thats barely above fifty percent. Given the amount of time your daughter had to complete this test, I feel that this is unacceptable for our current first graders." At this point Mommy started yelling. "What do you mean? Are you calling her stupid?" "No you misunderstood! What I was implying that your daughter has a rare learning disability called dyscalculia. Which means she has trouble dealing with numbers. And I was going to suggest that she be put into a program that will help her overcome her disability." Mommy didn't look to happy. "How is this possible? I mean she can read and understand things that I don't even understand. How can she be retarded?" _Mommy thinks I'm dumb? _I think at this point I was crying, cause by then I had hid in my own little world. Later I found out that I would still be in the same class but when it was time for math I would go to a special tutor. How fun.

**Xx Mar. 24 1994 xX**

To this day I remember how I got the social stigma, Crazy Holly, which is kind of ironic because now I actually have a diagnoses that says I'm crazy, weird. The day started out like any other day, me getting up and ready for school then coming down for breakfast only this time Joe was in my seat. Joe had move in with us a little while after christmas. Apparently he and Mommy are in love. Back to him being in my seat. _He came in MY house. I didn't like but I said it was fine. He monopolizes MY Mommy. I really didn't like it but I found it was much different than usual so I kept my opinions to my self. But now he's in MY seat AND I HATE IT! IT'S MINE! __**MINE!**__ He needs to move. NOW! I'll make him move. I'll hurt him. __**We should hurt Mommy to hurt him.**__ She deserves it doesn't she? She hurts us. All we want is for her to hold us, but does she? NO! __**We could set them on fire when they're sleeping. **__I don't want to kill them! Cripple? It's a possibility. HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING SEAT!_ I calmed my self and spoke evenly as I could. _"Your in my seat."_ I hissed, maybe I wasn't as calm as I thought. "Whoops sorry Holls. I'll move." _Maybe he's not so bad. BUT IF I FIND HIM IN MY SEAT AGAIN I'LL STAB HIM WITH MY PENCIL! _Yeah I was still upset.

By then my Mommy had fixed me a bowel of cereal, and I started eating. Both Mommy and Joe sat at the table sipping their coffee and stealing glances at me._** I don't like this Holly they're up to something.**__ What do you think they want?__** Too wear our skin?**__ No silly they're to big to wear us!_ I giggled, apparently it was out loud."What'cha laughing at Holls?" Joe asked me, seemingly amused. _**Quick make something up!**_ "Purple ducks." He laugh too. "That's pretty silly." I stopped giggling. _I don't like being called silly._ "Holly we need to talk to you about something." I turned to my Mommy. "I'm pregnant. That means we're going to have a new baby." _Pregnant? New baby? Why do they want a new one? _"Are you going to get rid of me now?" I asked taking another bite of my Cheerios. _I love Cheerios._ "What? No! Of course not! Why would you think that?" Mommy asked me angrily. I took another bite. _**Open up for the Choo-choo train. **_"Why are you getting a new one then?" I asked. "Honey...when two grown ups love each other very much they have sex, and sometimes a baby comes." "They don't have to love each other. Sometimes they don't even want it, and sometimes they're not even grown ups." That last part I mumbled. "Where do you learn these things?" She asked. "I ready. A lot. Can you take me to school now? I'm going to be late." I asked putting away my dish. "We wanted to tell you that we are getting married." Said Mommy clearly in a worse mood than before. "That sounds nice Can we go now?" Shaking her head sadly, she lead me to the car.

The day was going like any other. First thing was English. We had a spelling test, mine was perfect so that made me feel better. I had Math with Ms. Wright, that didn't go as well, I may have gotten a little upset and pushed my papers onto the floor. The day continued to worsen during lunch. _Cathy, _that little blond haired bitch had told Mr. Norse, the new lunchroom attendant, that I was _handicapped _and that I'm supposed to sit with the other _handicapped _students. Which I'm not, she was just jealousy that I was better in Spelling than her. The sad part is that the idiot believed her. So there I was siting surrounded by my _peers, _trying to avoid their hands from touching. _I'm going to hurt them. I'm really going to hurt them._

I managed to get through lunch with only trying to bite one of the others. Coming back to class there was a young man sitting at my table I didn't like it._ He looks like __**Him.**__ I don't like it.__** Watch him he'll try something when you not looking.**_ "Hello class. Remember when I said that today we were going to have a special guest. Well this is Mr. Tyge. He's going to be here every Thursday so that he can become a teacher himself, so he's going to be my assistant, if you need help you can ask either him or me."_ Every Thursday? __**Watch him he's coming. **_"Hi you're Holly right? I'm Kyle or Mr. Tyge, which ever you prefer." _**Don't let him fool you. He's trying to control your mind. He's trying to make you trust him. FIGHT IT!**_ I ignored him, choosing to focus on on my math homework. _Seven plus eight is...ten..eleven...twelve. _I wrote fourteen. _Why's he coming closer? _"No see the answers Fifteen here and this one over here is nine." He said putting his hand on my back. I stiffened. _No...no..not again. It can't happen again. I don't want it. Not again...never again. __**See Holly I told you he would do it. Now he's going to hurt us again, and it's going to be all your fault. Unless you do something about it. **__I can't...NO! I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN! _I gripped the pencil in my hand, whipped around and stabbed it in to his arm. "DON'T TOUCH ME! NEVER TOUCH ME!" I ran to the corner and sat with my knees to my chest rocking back and forth, muttering "no" over and over again.I could hear people screaming from the blood. "My god! Kyle are you alright? I've already called the nurse and an ambulance." I heard Mr. Wynters ask. "Really I'm fine Brian, it didn't go that deep." _**He's fine? Fine? How is it going to stop him if he's fine? **__Why Scar? Why did you make me hurt him? __**Cause he was going to hurt us. I could see it. You trust me don't you? **_I nodded.

I remember the nurse and the paramedics coming up to me to see if I was hurt. I remember screaming at the one that grabbed my hand. I remember being led to the principles office and him talking to me. Then Mommy came. I ran from the officer that had come in at one point, and threw myself at her. Crying, I begged her to hold me. She complied. _"Please Mommy make the Him go away. I don't want to hurt anymore."_ I sobbed into her neck. "Please?" I begged again. Mommy looked so confused. Like she had no idea what I was talking about. "Ms. Wryms? We called you down here because of an incident that happened in Holly's class today. Apparently she stabbed a teaching assistaint with a pencil and then tried to attack the paramedics as they were checking her over." "What? Is she okay?" Mommy said checking me over herself. "What's going to happen now?" She asked. "Well there are several possibilities but since Mr. Tyge doesn't plan to press any charges..." "He can do that?" My Mom interrupted. "She did assault him with a deadly weapon, so she could face jail time, but I think we are going to be able to handle this in house. I'm going to recommend that Holly be somewhat isolated from the other students and that she be placed with an instructor that will be able to keep an eye on her so that she doesn't harm another student. Also I would suggest that she maybe start going to meet with a therapist once or twice a week. I think that this would be the best option for everyone involved." My principal said. Mommy agreed and now I'm still in Mr. Wynters class only there is Mrs. Canel, or as I like to call her the Hawk, sitting at my desk with me watching me...like a hawk. I also have to sit by myself at lunch with the Hawk. Besides that the only thing really different is the fact that every one looks like I'm going to kill them, oh and everyone calls me Crazy Holly.

**Xx Jun. 29 1994 xX**

Mommy never did sign me up for therapy, looking back I can't help but wonder if she had, would I have turned out the way that I did? It's really not important anymore. Today is the day that Mommy got married. I'm really not sure how I felt about it. I mean in five days it'll be exactly one year since that met, it'll also have been a year since..._NO! Stop it. We're not thinking it! WE ARE NOT! _Yeah a year since that. I got to be the flower girl, so I got to wear a pretty pink dress. Every thing was going so well until the after party. I had tried so hard to be a good girl cause today was supposed to be Mommies happy day. I was sitting with Aunt Kelly, as she was talking to some of Mommies friends when I heard _Him._ "Well, well, well do my eyes deceive me or is there a real _princess_ sitting before me?"_ He _said. I grabbed my Aunts hand and held it so hard I think I drew blood. "Holly are you okay?" She asked. "C-can w-we g-g-go, p-please?" I asked pulling her to Uncle Mike. "Arn't you going to give me a hug Holly?" I kept pulling Auntie to her husband never once loosing my grip. "I-I really want to g-go." I said when I reached him. I continued stealing glances at where Uncle Todd had been. _He's gone! Where did he go? We have to get OUT! _I think my Aunt understood because she told my Uncle that she wanted to go. "Alright lets go find Sue tell her that we have Holly so she's good for Hawaii. _Lucky bitch."_ I heard him mumble. For the next three weeks I stayed at Aunt Kelly's and Uncle Mike's house while Mommy was on her Honeymoon with Joe. I think Aunt Kelly Knows who it was that hurt me now, but she didn't say anything. Truly I was just glad she still laid with me until I fell asleep, and held me as I cried during my nightmares.


	3. Just Can't Escape it

**Red Life**

**Chapter Three: Just can't escape it!**

**An: Just a fair warning this chapter is the last one with a descriptive Rape scene it also contain my first consensual sex scene, and you will notice that Holly's language is becoming progressively vulgar.**

**Xx Oct. 10 1994 xX**

Well, I've made it to year seven. I'm shocked that so far second grade hasn't been so bad yet. I mean besides the whole "I'm the crazy girl and if your friends with me you'll be crazy too" thing it's been okay, except for math that still sucks. Oh and the Hawk is still with me. I was sitting at _my_ lunch table, trying to convince Ms. Salt shaker that she shouldn't go out with Mr. Pepper shaker cause he'll hurt her, but she's being stubborn and not listing. _Oh well she find out later that he was just using her in the end._ _**You know? Maybe you are crazy?**__ What are you talking about? __**Never mind.**_ As I was saying, I was sitting at _my _lunch table when I was called down to the office because I was being picked up to go home.

I got to the Office and found Joe waiting for me. Practically vibrating out of his skin._ And people call me weird._ "Come on we need to go or we'll be late." I looked around for Mommy but couldn't see her._** She's probably still in the car.**_ "Come on your mother's at the hospital, your brother is coming!" He said, extremely excited. _**Or I could be wrong.**_ I immediately stopped walking. "What are you doing Holly? Don't you want to be there to meet your new brother?" He asked. _No. I don't. And I really don't want to be in a car...__** alone**__ ...with you. _"You know what Holly? Today is a good day. My son. My _son!_ Is being born today. I don't know what your problem with me is. I'm trying to be a good guy, a good _father _to you. But you're making it impossible. I was so happy when your mother went into labor that I decided to rush from work to be with her and I thought you would like to be there too. I am going to give you a choice either you can get in this car right now so we can go to the hospital or you can find your own way home, because I am not going to miss _my sons_ birth." I look at him for a few minutes. Then I turned and walk towards home. If I had turned around I would have seen Joe's slacked jaw and a disappointed look in his eyes, not that it would have made a difference to me.

It took me a little over a hour to reach my house and nearly twice that trying to finish my math homework. Around nine O'clock I saw Joe come into the house with a smile on his face. "Where's Mommy?" I had asked. "She still at the hospital with Luke. She won't be able to come home until tomorrow." _So that means... I... am... home...__**alone**__... with a man? _I did not like that. I think he could tell when I ran up the stairs and slammed my door. My last thought was how am I going to get to school.

**Xx Aug. 5 1997 xX**

I'm ten now and _Luke is _almost three. I want to hate him. I really, _really_ do. I don't really have a reason to but it's because I'm jealous of him. He has exactly what I want. He's not afraid of men or crowds. Mommy is always holding him or at least his hand. Yet he asks like she embarrassing him, "cause he's a big boy", ha... I wish she would hold me. She doesn't even come check on me after I wake up screaming, unless I disturbed Luke that is. Maybe I do a have a reason to hate him? _**Who cares if you need a reason just hate him anyway, like I do. **__Quiet you! I still pissed at you.__** It's not my fault you go in trouble. **__The hell it isn't you told me to stick gum in Cathy's hair! __**You didn't have to do it.**__ You can be really persuasive when you want to be. _

Finishing my little spat with Scarlet I realized that it was my turn for my eye checkup. After the torture of them spitting air in my eyes and then blinding me with a flashlight, we found out that I needed glasses. _Fucking prick I like to show him were he can stick that flashlight.__** You go girl!**_ I picked these really awesome frames out. They're a square wide-rim frame, colored in a black cherry red. They told me that they would be ready in a week.

I'm not sure if I every mentioned it but I hate surprises. I don't mean hate like you hate it when grandma kisses your cheek; I'm talking about the type of hate that inspires mass-homicidal rage kind of hate. _**That sounds fun.**_ So given this information you could understand my weariness when Joe passed by our street. "You missed the street." I pointed out. My mother turned to smile at me._ Oh god what is she doing. __**She's finally going to do it. You've pissed her off so much that she going to kill you and burry you in the park.**_"Can I tell her?" Mom asked Joe. He gave me a thoughtful look but nodded to her. Her smile lit up her face like a Christmas tree. _**That's kind of creepy.**__ Tell me about it._ "Sweetie we know that you don't like surprises but this is a good one."_ As the Holocaust was to Hitler._ "Holly I know that you didn't like me much when I married your mother and that we really have gotten close since then, not for a like of trying though." I heard him mutter.

With a not so subtle elbow from mom, he continued. "I've decided that I'm going to try my hand at bribing you." He joked. As we pulled up to an old house. I could hear dogs barking inside. "I'm bought you a puppy. You just have to go in and pick out which one." _He bought me a dog?__** Do we like dogs?**__ I think we do._ "O-okay." I stuttered. He put his hand on my shoulder and I was able to hold back the flinch. We walked to the front door. "Oy ya'll the ones for da' pup?" An old man asked. I nodded. "Well come on then. They're in da' kitchen." I followed him to an wicker basket with four little Rottweiler puppies sleeping with their mother. "These ones are the only ones left from the litter." An older woman said. I continued to watch the puppies, but I listened to the old man tell Joe about how they all have had their shots and been checked over by a vet. He also mentioned that since they are all purebred that we shouldn't have him neutered incase we want to breed him, that's if I choose a male anyway. I'm not to sure what to breed means but I think it has to do with making puppies. Focusing back on the dogs I see one that's waking up. He yawned like a dragon before wiggling over to me. I giggled and picked him up. _Dragon. What was that dragon in that one movie called? You know the one where he gave that evil boy half of his heart? __**Draco?**__ Yes! That's it!_ "Can I have this one?" The old man shrugged and looked over to Joe. "Is that the one you want?" I nodded. "Then he's yours." I smiled and nuzzled the little fur ball, giggling when he liked my nose. "His name is Draco."

At the time I hadn't realized it but Draco was a comfort to me even on that first day. I hadn't noticed how safe and loved he made me feel, but I think that my Mom and Joe noticed. We had just pulled into the driveway when I set Draco on the seat and reached forward and hugged Joe from behind and whispered "_Thank you" _to him. It may have been from behind and there might have been a car seat between us but I felt that there was progress on my part, and you can be damned sure that I felt proud of it.

**Xx May 28 2001 xX**

It was the first day of summer vacation. I had just graduated from Eighth Grade and in July I would be turning Fourteen and starting High School this year. I was actually excited to start high school. I was hoping that the school would be big enough that I would just be able to fade into the background until my status as the "psycho, crazy bitch" would die down, because as much as I love Scar, I really would like to make more friends that don't intentionally try to piss me off._** But that's what you love about me. **_Scar said as she came up behind me and groped my breast. _**Well that and what I can do with my tongue.**_ I shuddered. Did I forget to mention Scar had... um well...evolved? Now instead of just being a disembodied voice, she actually has her own body now. And what a marvelous body it is. She's just a couple inches taller than me, brown eyes, and well.. scarlet red hair, plus her breast are big enough to make men drool. Well they make me drool._ I don't remember... what is it that you can do with your tongue? _I teased her. _**Oh a little of this and a little of that, which usually ends with you screaming my name in orgasmic bliss.**_ I shuddered again as she brought her tongue from my collar bone to my ear lobe, nibbling on it._ Oh yes... I remember now._

Thats usually how my days ended, being sexually stimulated into Heaven, then falling asleep cuddled next to Draco. Speaking of him, he's no longer a little twelve pound puppy. No now he's a 120 pound beast, and he snores like one to. He's a big softie though, well to me that is. There was this one time that some of Joe's poker friends came over and they started drinking. I've learned that I don't like men in general, but I hate it when one drinks. So anyways. They were drinking and I was going past one of them to get some thing from the kitchen when he grabbed my hand. I yelped and tried to get away but he held fast. That was his mistake because as soon as Draco saw that I didn't like the man touching me he snapped his mouth on the guy's wrist and growled. He didn't break any skin but it was clear what that growl meant, _"Either you let go or I'll break your wrist._ It was safe to say that the man let go, and when he did I ran up the stairs to my room with Draco, to cry into his fur.

From that day forth he became my protector. When ever there was a man or someone I didn't like, he was always with in reaching distance, and whenever fe felt that I was going to freak out he would get his leash to have me take him for a walk. In fact this was one of those time that I would have taken him for a walk. Unfortunately I wasn't home this time so I had to go for a walk my self. We had gone over to Aunt Kellys and Uncle Mikes house for a party he was throwing for Ben's little league team. The party had been fine until around eight when I started having trouble breathing so I told Mom that I was going for a walk. Even though it was dark I didn't have any trouble making my way towards the park. After about twenty minutes I found my self siting on the swings, listing to the wind and the frogs from the pond. It wasn't long before I started to hear laughter, I brushed it off. Until it got louder anyways. I could see them now, about fourteen maybe fifteen boys from the high school football team, coming closer to me. I could see them rough housing around and by the looks of it they had been drinking. Against every natural instinct I possessed that told me to run, I stayed sitting on the swing. By this time that had noticed me. None of us spoke, until one of them spoke "Hey! Dudes! I know her... she goes to middle school with my sister. Man everyone says she fucking insane." I narrowed my eyes. _**Run.**_ "I'm not crazy."_** Please run.**_ "You mean like a psycho. I hear there's nothing like being with on of them in the sack. They're wild!" Another boy said._** Holly! Please RUN!**_ I listened, but it was too late they had already surrounded me.

**Xx Rape scene xX**

"Where do you think your going gorgeous?" One of the taller one said. "Please?" I begged trying to get through. "Oy did ja' here that. She begging for it. I bet she does this kind of thing to all the guys back in school cause she's one of those freaky little sluts." I saw a gap in the circle so I tried to get through. It didn't work. "NO! Let me go!" I struggled to get away. Until one of them backhanded my to my knees. After that I was dazed for a while and when I came to I found my self, naked and being pinned by three of them while the rest where undressing, except one. "Guys what are you doing we cant do this." The smallest of the groups said only to be pushed back by the one that hit me. He pulled out a knife and held it to the smaller mans throat. "You can either help or stay the fuck out of our way, Peter." He gulped and sat down with his back turned to us. "Please don't do this, just leave me alone!" I tried to get away but I couldn't. They started and I shut down.

_** What are you doing? Your just laying there. Your letting these ...monsters... use you for their own satisfaction. Letting them take you, twist you, turn you, break you... ruin you again and again. How many have gone so far eight... nine? Do you even care? At least none of them have come inside of your used cunt yet. God you pathetic. You like it don't, you want them to cum inside deep in your womb. You want their baby. Don't you? You want this. **NO I DON'T! No...no...I...don't.** Then fight back. Do something! They're only human. They Bleed just like you, don't they? Prove it. Prove that you don't want this, you stupid, weak, pathetic, worthless little whore. Prove me wrong.**_

And so I did I fought back I bit, tore, punched, kicked, scratched, and anything else you could think of. In hindsight it probably wasn't a good idea to fight back but if I didn't try than how could I had lived with my self. I mean if I had just laid there and let them do what they wanted they would have just used me than left but because I fought back, the one with the knife, who I later learned was named Joseph, decided that I deserved to be taught a lesson. A lesson that ended with me lying in the sand, covered in blood and semen, with a broken wrist, ankle, three cracked ribs, a cracked pelvis, cuts covered my arms and legs, on my back were the words "DIRTY, FILTHY, BITCH, CUNT, USED, SLUT, and WHORE" carved into my skin. I also had multiple stab wounds and cut covering my chest, but he didn't touch my face with the knife, no he just beat it to a pulp with his fists. Then they just left me there, by the swings to be found. I laid there as the blackness shaded my vision. _Why? Why me? Mommy...I want my Mommy. _Then I succumbed to the darkness.

**Xx End Rape scene xX**

I woke up in the hospital the next day to find my mother sitting there crying. Truly I was wondering why she was crying? I wasn't, I was pissed. Not wanting to deal with her I pretended to be asleep. I was still pretending when the doctor came in. "how is she Dr. Sanchez?" My mother being ever so curious asked. "Well short term Most of her wounds such as the stab wounds and broken bones will take a few months to heal, bar she doesn't get an infection. Unfortunately due to the jaggedness and depth of most of her lacerations, I doubt the scars well completely fade even with corrective surgery. What I am really concerned about is the damage to her uterus and ovaries. What I mean is that he right ovary was completely crushed and her left was only Forty percent savable. Then there was the damage done to her uterus, due the previous scaring on her vaginal wall her chances of delivering a baby naturally was already diminished but now? There's a ninety percent chance that she will never be able to carry a child to full term let alone conceive." She said. My mother looked confused. "What do you mean previous scarring?" She asked my doctor. "Well typically these kind of injuries occur when something forcibly is shoved into the vagina." She explained. My mother looked sick. "H-how old are t-they?" Mom asked. "I'd say about seven or eight years. Give or take a couple months." I don't think I have ever seen her turn that shade of green. _I think I'm giddy_.

"Thank you Doctor, but can I have a few minutes alone." She watched as Dr. Sanchez left, then turned seeing that I was awake. "Baby I'm so sorry." she said crying. _She's sorry. She's sorry. Sheeee's sorrrrry? No. Fuck no! It doesn't work like that. This is not happening. She can't be doing this. She can't call me a liar when I try to tell her the first time, and then believe it when someone else tells her it happened. She needs to leave. She needs to leave RIGHT FUCKEN NOW! _"I would like you to leave now." I said in an oddly calm voice despite my rage. "What?" She asked gob-smacked. "I. Would. Like. You. To. Leave. Now. When I wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright, you shoved me away and made me apologize for _lying! _Well guess what I don't want you to hold me; in fact I don't want anyone near me. I just to go home and see Draco." Looking hurt she left to find out when I could be discharged.

A week. That how long those fuckers made me staying that hellhole. To tell the truth I thought I was going to have a panic attack or something the longer I was in there. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't safe. Then those stupid fucks sent in a male nurse, then they had the nerve to chastise me for my action, what made it worse was that they just had to fucking sedate me. I don't know what they did to me while I was out but when I awoke I was restrained that made me feel so fucking better. Note the sarcasm. When they finally did release me and Mother brought me home, the first thing that I did was climb up to my room and straight into bed, my fingers entangled in his fur. He laid there with me, and I let the low rumbling from his chest wash over me. _For the first time since I heard their laughter I felt safe._

**Xx Aug. 20 2001 xX**

I've healed, well mostly anyway. It still hurts to move around a lot, but I can walk with out crutches and my scars have healed. Also I have found out that I also hate the Court system. I mean I have to tell like twenty different people what happened to while the ADA provides visuals of my injuries. Sounds like fun right. The result, Joseph goes away for rape, assault with a deadly weapon, and attempted murder, the others were only charged with rape. Peter on the other hand not sure what he was charged with but I know that it was a reduced sentence because he testified against the others. Also come to find out my uncle was arrested and apparently they found six girls in the basement in the age range of five to ten, so I don't think he's going to get out any time soon. Know that now all of my attackers are in jail is supposed to make me feel safe. It doesn't.

I don't care if they're in prison or not. They've already hurt me, it's not like locking them away is going to make me feel better. Apparently it's supposed to. It doesn't make me fear men any less, in fact it just proves my point that all men are evil disgusting creatures, and they should just stay the fuck away from me. In fact Joe is the only man I'll allow in the room with me and that's only if Draco's with me. I'm a little worried about school next week. I mean I know that there are going to be boys in my class but Draco can't be there, so you can understand my dilemma._** Girl you need to relax, why don't you put those fingers to another use besides ripping out your hair?**_ I blushed_. Scar I can't do that what if someone sees?__** Bitch, quit worrying. Who the fuck is going to see? Joe already left for work and Mom just took Luke for his check up. You've got like three hours alone here. I'd say use it.**_ Then I noticed Draco Is on the corner of the room. I blushed harder._ I can't do it with him in the room.__** Seriously he is a male I don't think it'll bother him to much. **__He is a man...why doesn't that bother me? __**I don't know.**_

**Xx Lemon scene xX**

__Finally giving in to Scars insisting, I stripped naked and laid on the edge of my bad._ I swear that women could make a statue blink._ I started off slow. Rubbing my hands over my neck to the tops of my breast. Every so often I would let my fingers brush over my nipples, Circling and teasing until they became rock hard. I steadily became rougher pinch and tucking at my nubs. I could feel myself steadily becoming wetter. Closing my eyes I moved to my pussy, and started my feather light touches again. Never actually touching my lower lips until I couldn't take it. Pushing one finger in, my thumb found my clit. I inserted a second finger and began to pump. My moans and groans began to echo through out the silent house.

I was about half way to my orgasm when I felt Scar use her tongue to take over for my fingers. "Oh god." I moaned out, while spreading my legs further. It seemed to encourage her to go deeper. "_Ohhh...my, _y-you've never gone this deep b-before." Even through the haze of my impending orgasm, I could notice something different about her tongue, for starters it was longer and not as thick as usually, plus it was rougher almost like sandpaper._ It was fucking amazing. __**As much as I'd like to take credit for this I'm not doing anything. **_"W-what? Th-_ oh god _-en w-who-_ohhh?" __**Open your eyes and find out.**__ Open my eyes? I...I think I can do that._ Slowly I opened them and was greeted with the sight of Draco and his muzzle buried in my snatch. The sight alone was enough to tip me over that edge, but that combined with the pleasure I was experiencing drove so far over the edge I flew passed mind-blowing and into a whole new level, that caused me to blackout.

I awoke a few minutes later to Draco slurping up the last of my own cum. From my position I could see this red throbbing thing from between his legs._ Is that? Is that his penis?__** It looks uncomfortable. Maybe you should do something about it? **__Like what? __**Like let him fuck you.**__ What? I don't think I could do that what if he's like Them?__** You can do it, because you want to do it.**_ In my lust induced haze I pushed Draco away, so that I could get on my hands and knee's. I think I confused him, cause he came around to my face and started to lick it. When he brushed against my lips, I instinctively opened them and drew his tongue into my mouth and battled for dominance with my own. I could taste my self on him and when overpowered my tongue I moaned into his mouth, while he continued to explore my mouth for several minutes.

When he broke away from me I groaned at the loss but turned and rose my butt in the air in what I hope was submissive enough to get him to mount me. I felt his weight come down on my back and his front paws wrap around my waist with his member throbbing against my clit._ Oh my its... so big..and so HOT!_ I moaned and began rubbing my hips against him. He began to thrust but could in seem to find the entrance._ Scar was right, I actually do want this, I want him in me. _Coming that conclusion, I reached back to help him line up with my pussy. As soon as he got the tip in he thrust four inches in. "Fuck yeah!" I breathed out. With every thrust I felt him go in a little further. Being curious I looked back to see how much more he had to fit in me, what I saw scared me a little. It looked like another four or five inches plus this thing that was as big as a soft ball. In shock I watched as it moved closer and closer with each thrust. When it finally reached my lips I snapped out of it and decided that I wanted that to inside my even if it hurt. So I began to thrust back even harder to fit it in. With a wet pop it snapped in and Draco began cumming. That set my own orgasm off. When I tried to get up I found that I was still tied to him and began to panic. _Oh no what if it doesn't come out and we're stuck like this forever! What if we have to go to the hospital to get it removed? What if they try to take him away from me?_

I continued to ramble like this until Scar slapped me._** Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Your going to be fine. As soon as he deflates it should slip right out, I think.**_ _YOU THINK SO! _I screeched. _**Well it makes sense doesn't it? When thing deflate they get smaller don't they? **__I guess so._ I conceded. As I was waiting for him to soften, I started to think of why I wasn't bothered by him._ One he doesn't look like them, doesn't smell, taste, or sound like them either. Oh god! He surly doesn't feel like them. He's longer. T-thicker. and so much hotter, Holy shit! I just came from think about it!._

**Xx End Lemon xX**

It was twenty minutes before he was able to pull out. When he did I guess he decided that I needed a clean up. So after my fifth and final screaming orgasm brought on by his tongue and then my own reciprocation of giving him my first blow job that I actually that I initiated, I found not only does he have a certain tangy taste, but really, _really _wanted to do it again some time. Throwing an old baggy sleep shit I crawled into bed and next to Draco who was softly snoring. I wrapped my arms around his chest and nuzzled my face into the back of his neck so that I could breath in his musky sent. It was then that I realized that I didn't just love Draco, I was _in_ love with Draco.

For the following week before school started Draco and I had some form of sex any time we were alone. Hell some time we weren't even alone, I just had to be really quite. I think that Scar was able to perfectly describe how I was acting when she said that I was nothing more than a _**"Bitch in heat!"**_ I actually think it's pretty accurate because to Draco I am his bitch and then amount of lust I had was like I was in heat.

**Xx Aug. 27 2001xX**

Well it's here first day of High school. Given what happen to me and my new found relationship I was surprised that I was still excited to go to school. I walked down the stairs to find my Mother waiting for me at the bottom. "Are you going to be okay today?" _What does she mean by that? Is she going to do something?_ "What do you mean?" She gave me that pitying look, which I hate, again. "Sweetie, I'm just worried that you'll freakout like you did back in Mr. Wynters class." _So now she think I'm an unstable freak? Wow thanks Mom. Now that I know you have faith in me I'm sure I'll be fine. Stupid bitch._ "If he hadn't of touched me then I wouldn't of had to stab him. Can we please leave now?" I asked walking to the car. I might have slammed the door a little hard when I got in though. "Baby you know that high school is different right? More people...bigger classes, right? There's going to be boy's there... I just want to be sure you can handle it?" I stayed silent and just glared out the window, because the truth is that I didn't know if I could _handle_ it and that scared the shit out of me.

I arrived just as the bell rang, so I quickly found my Homeroom and sprinted for it. You can't possibly imagine how thankful I was that I didn't inherit my dad's side of the family's genes of excessive clumsiness, like my cousin Bella. Holy fuck if she tried to rush to class I would bet she would fall flat on her face, silly girl. I just for reference any of you out there that are just starting high school or really any place new, it is not a good idea to walk into a room alone giggling like a madwomen, especially if you've already been ousted as the school psycho, trust me it doesn't help your image if your trying to break that stigma. _**Good job trying to blend in.**__ Bitch!__** You know you like my sarcasm. **_She huskily whispered in my ear. I shivered and found two empty seats. I listened to my homeroom teacher as he drone on and on about school dress code, school rules, and about our classes. _**My god, I think I found the real life inspiration of Prof. Binns, from Harry Potter! **_Her mere enthusiasm drove me to into a fit of laughter. "Ms. Knowles care to share what you're laughing at?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Um...nerves?" _**Good one. He's sure to buy that. **_He looked at me unbelievingly. "Don't let it happen again." _Did that fucker really just tell me not to laugh? Laughter heals the soul you prick!__** Well your laugh is kind of like an insane crackle instead of a laugh, so I think yours might be an exception.**_ I glared at her and she returned it with a bright smile.

Have you ever got this foreboding feeling like something bad is just going to come barging it's way into your life and fuck it up? Well I've been feeling that since after homeroom. I was use to people giving me weird looks like I was about to attack them, but I was not use to the pure hostile glares that the upper class-men were giving me, I was like I killed their pet or something. It wasn't till second period that I figured it out. Apparently the men that raped me was not only the high school football team but the _Championship _high school football team, and they were supposedly the most popular guys in the whole school. It appeared that almost every girl in the whole school wanted to date one of them and all of the guys wanted to be them, so every automatically assumed that I offer to have sex with the whole team and when they refused I attacked myself and blamed them even though most of my injuries were impossible to be self inflicted and the fact that I was covered in their _DNA_. But yeah I did it my self. _Idiots._

Though it hurt that they thought this way of me, I wasn't going to let them know it. I wasn't going to break down and ball in the middle of the hallway. No I'd wait until I got so that I could cry into Draco's fur then have him fuck the pain away._**Whoa there! Better nip that thought in the butt, unless you want walk around with dripping panties...again. **_I sighed and went to lunch. I brought lunch from home incase you were wondering, it was a crunchy peanut butter sandwich, banana, and a water bottle. School lunches disgust me. Anyway I was once again I was sitting alone for lunch which was fine with me. I mean yes I have been doing better about crowds and men, well the men part had a set back but until then I had been doing better, but I stilled need breaks from them, so sitting alone for lunch was a plus. Or at least it was until those three girls, who will from now on be named the Barbie bitches, started glaring at me again.

As quickly as I could I finished my lunch and cleaned up my trash. Unfortunately I still had twenty minutes left until my next class. Deciding that maybe some cold water on my face would help me relax, so I made my way the closest bathroom to my class. I move to the sink and ran the cold water onto my hands and splashed my face. I look in the mirror and studied my face. _Brown hair, green eyes, sharp features, pale skin, dark circles under eyes. I could pass for a vampire I think, maybe I should eat more vegetables.__** I vant to suck your blood. **__Where the hell did you get those teeth?_ I asked Scar cause I'm sure she didn't have them before. _**I found them...somewhere. **__Gross! Do you have any idea how unhygienic that is? The amount of germs and diseases on those is astounding. I want your to gargle with mouth wash before you try to kiss me. God this could led to a gum disease and tooth decay, which then would lead to heart problems and you could die! I don't want you to die Scar I love you too much._ I threw myself at her and started to cry._** Holly I'm not going to die...you know I'm not real right? **__What do you mean.__** Nothing forget I said anything. I'm going to go clean this off and brush my teeth and later tonight we can role play where I'm your vampire mistress and you're my lowly servant girl that lust after me.**__ Sounds kinky._ I said wiping my tears. Just as I was about to leave the door swung open. 


	4. The Help I Should Have Got

**Red Life**

**Chapter Four: The Help I Should Have Got**

**Xx Aug. 27 2001 xX**

_I didn't think they would take it this far._ The door swung open and in walked the Barbie Bitches. They smirked at me while the last one in turned and locked the door. _Seriously? What I'm I like a magnet for dangerous situations cause this is fucking ridiculous!_ "Oh? Look what we found, a little lying whore." The lead Barbie said with a sneer. "You got my boyfriend sent to jail you slut!" She said backhanding me. I straightened up and asked, "I'm sorry which one was your boyfriend?" while laughing._ She called that a hit? _"Joseph you bitch!" She came to hit me again. I let her. _That was a good one it actually made me bleed. _"You know something he actually had the smallest dick of them all. I guess he tried to overcompensate with that knife of his." I giggle at the look of out rage on her face. That was apparently all she needed to tip her over the edge, because her and Barbie two decided to grab me while she beat the shit out of me. Unfortunately for them they didn't anticipate exactly how much I hate being held down, cause as soon as she grabbed me I spun her around and repeatedly smashed her face into the mirror and sink. As I continued to bash Bitch two's face in, Bitch one chose to attack me. I didn't like it. I slammed my elbow into her throat and continued to kick her while she was down._ No one is ever going to hurt me again! I will do anything to make sure of it.__** Kill them. Make an example of them. Use them to show the world that you're not this weak little girl anymore.**_ Scar's encouragement renewed my vigor and I continued to pummel them.

I never even noticed that Bitch three had left. I didn't notice that my hands and shoes were covered in blood. As I came out of my haze and back to reality, I had realized what I had down and back into a corner, staring at my blood covered hands. I didn't notice when the administrators and the school police came in. _What have I done? Why did you make me do? Friends don't make friends hurt people, Scar? __**You needed to do it. They were hurting you. We had to stop them. **_I didn't notice the odd looks the adults were giving me. I did notice when they started coming closer though. "GO AWAY! DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" I screamed when they got to close. I stayed in that corner with my knees to my chest quietly sobbing. I watch as the paramedic came and took Bitches one and two to the ambulance and the real police came.

By this point I was defeated barely even struggled as they hand cuffed me behind my back and dragged me though the campus to their cruisers. At some point they read me my rights I didn't pay attention. I continued to cry on the way back to the station. _"She was right...I couldn't handle it."_ I had whispered getting out of the car. The to officers walked me though booking and then had me fingerprinted and my photo taken. Which probably looked bad cause I still had blood one my face. I figured now they would take me to a holding cell or something but instead they took me to an interrogation room. They un-cuffed me only to re-cuff my hands in front of me now. Then they left. I don't know why but I felt the urge to yell something. So as the door was closing I yell out "Hey I had fun call me if you guys want to go at it again." I cracked up. I couldn't stop laughing for almost fifteen minutes. I didn't know if the room was sound proof but I imagined that if it wasn't then my room was getting some pretty weird looks. That set me off again.

It wasn't until an hour later that I broke down again. _Why Scar? Why did you make me hurt them even after they were down? __**They and everyone else needed to be shown that we are not weak, that we are not going to let anyone walk all over us again. **__But beating them while they were down? THAT MAKES ME JUST LIKE THEM!__** No it doesn't. You may have hurt them but you didn't rape them, did you?**__ No...but I thought about it.__** But you didn't do it so that makes you better than them. **_At some point of our argument I had moved to the one-way mirror and took a good look at myself. _**You know I kind like this look on you. **_She said as she licked and sucked at the blood on my neck and cheek. _**It's kind of hot you know, like you just fought and defeated you enemies so you could get to me, my little warrior. **__"Scar..."_ I moaned out, and stumbled back to the table. Just then the door opened and my Mother and two detectives, a man and a woman, walked in.

"Holly, what have you done?" My mother looked at me like I was her greatest failure. I removed her from my sight and looked at the two detectives when they started talking. "Holly... may I call you Holly?" The male asked me._ Why is that the men always talk first? _I nodded to him. "Great. I'm Det. Stabbler and this is my partner Det. Benson." I looked away from and turned to my Mother. "Did you bring Draco?" Asked her. "What? Of course not. Why hell would bring your mutt? This is serious Holly, you're in a lot of trouble!" I fumed at her. "If you didn't bring him then why the fuck are you here. Oh and another thing, he's a purebred,_ stupid bitch." _I whispered under my breath. Det. Benson decided to interject that point. "Sweetie you're only fourteen, that's still a minor. so your Mom has to be here, besides it seems like she wants to be here." I gave her a speculative look. "Funny... She's only like this in public." My Mother sputtered at that, it made me smirk.

The questioning went on for hours. Who said what? Who hit who, and such and such. Then when they finished they showed me a video of the whole thing. Apparently Bitch three had caught it all with her phone. That pissed me off. _I've been here for over three hours answering questions and come to find out they have a video of the whole damn thing!_ After the video I clammed up. My Mother looked disgusted. I was about to say something when the door opened again and in walked the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She was tall, probably about six feet, had long black hair that looked to reach the center of her back, and what looked to be a beautiful butterscotch gold eyes. Plus she probably had as pale if not paler skin than I did. All and all I was lucky not to be drooling. It didn't help that Scar had her hard nipples pressed into my back and was whispering all the things she'd like to do to this goddess. When she smiled at me it was all I could do to squeak out a "hi".

"Hello I'm Dr. Greene. I would like to talk to Mrs. Fields and Holly about what's going to happen to her. But before that I would like to have a little chat with Holly to make sure what we have planned is going to help her or not." My mother and the detectives left. The Dr. Goddess..er I mean Greene took the seat my Mom vacated and turned it to face me. "Would you like those handcuffs of?" She asked. I was too tongue tied to say anything so I just nodded. She pulled out a key from somewhere and freed me, it seemed to loosen my tongue as well. "I bet you have this problem all the time." I smirked at her. She looked confused. "What problem?" I leaned closer. "The fact that you dazzle people and it leaves them enthralled by you." She seemed to catch on. "Do I dazzle you?" She asked also leaning into so that her breath washed across my senses. _Oh fuck me, she smells good._ I nodded. She seemed to smile.

"So you're attracted to women?" She asked. "For the most part." She wrote something down. "So you're still attracted to men as well?" That sobered me up. "No I'm not attracted to men. Most of them cause me to vomit." I hissed at her. She seemed rumpled at my tone. "Then what do you mean for the most part?" She asked smiling at me. I studied her for a moment before smiling back. "Well I find some women appealing some even enough to have sex with but currently I am have sex with Draco... my dog." _Holy shit! Why the fuck did I just tell her that? I sure as hell didn't plan that!_ She almost looked shocked for a minute and seemed to glare at the mirror before she wrote something down. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why the hell did I tell you that? That something was going to keep a secret." She almost looked guilty. "I'm not sure why you told me but it's good that you trust me, it'll help in the long run." I nodded speculating at what she meant. "I have a few more questions before we let your _Mother _back in." Her tone made me think she dislike my mother as much as I did.

I waited for her to start her questioning. "Holly? When Officer Barraet went to cuff you he said it sounded like you were asking some why they made you do this, I want to know if someone tells you to do thing a lot?" I shifted. "Kind of." "Who tells you do things?" I don't know why but I want to tell about Scar. "Scarlet does." She waited for me to continue. "She my friend. My only friend. I met her when I was four." "Does she go to school with you?" I nodded. "Where does she live?" I giggled. "She lives with me of course." Dr. Greene wrote some more. "Holly, is Scarlet in the room?" _**Maybe she wants to play?**_ I giggled and nodded. _**I know a lot of games we could play with her. **_I moaned as she nibbled on my ear. "Holly? What is she doing right now?" I whimpered as Scar pulled away from me. _**Wow she does smell good I wonder how she taste.**__ Me too._ "Holly?" I snapped back to attention. "Um... I'm not sure I want to answer." At her expectant look I gave in. "She was... um.. smelling you and she was wondering how you uh...um taste." I looked down, blushing fiercely. "Hey it's okay Holly. I just have one more question. Did Scarlet tell you to hurt those girls?" Becoming nervous I nodded. "S-s-she said we had to make an e-example out of them. S-so that n-no one would-d hurt us ag-gain." I started crying thinking about what I had done again. "Hey it's alright Holly those to girls are going to be fine, you didn't kill them." At that I visibly relaxed. "Alright I'm going to go get your mother then we can finish talking." I nodded. Glad that I hadn't killed anyone.

I was confused and a little upset. I mean I've only known Dr. Greene for not even an hour and yet I trust her. I don't know why but I feel that she won't judge me by what I tell her. I even almost feel compelled to tell her my secretes. It's really odd. I waited for her to come back. Even though I was prepared for when she came back, my breath still hitched when she walked in._ Hot damn. If I'm going to practical swoon every time she walks in we're going to have an issue. That or she could let me fuck her brains out. Then again I wouldn't be opposed if she wanted to tie me up and have her wicked way with me. Now that I think about it that actually sounds kind off hot. _Dr. Greene walked in followed by my Mother. Speaking of my Mother, instead of sitting next to me she sat on the other side as far as she could from me. Dr. Greene was moving to sit there but when Mother took it she gave an exasperated sigh and sat next to me.

"Okay now that we are all settled we can began discussing are options. The first is that Holly spends up to three years in prison, note that if you go that route she will be tried as an adult and will not be sent to juvie. The other option that I personally recommend would be that Holly spends a mandatory four years at St. Jonas Psychiatric Hospital and then an additional voluntary year to round her out to a full five years of therapy. I'm recommending this because I feel that you truly need help and medication. Because even though I can't be certain I believe that your daughter has been experiencing symptoms of Early On-set Schizophrenia, and I believe that she has had to live with these symptoms for a better part of ten years and done un-medicated which most likely caused todays incident and also the one seven years ago with the teachers aid." Mother looked upset. "And what exactly are the symptoms?" She asked. Dr. Greene straightened. "The most common would be the hallucination and delusion that Scarlet is real." At that point I broke in. "She is real. We go to class together." Dr. Greene smiled at me but continued. "Also her inability to make friends is another indicator. As is her inappropriate verbal responses at certain situations. Her last symptom would be her childlike state at time. During our short interview her maturity level rose and fell to such points that one minute she was bluntly flirting with me to the next she acting like a child at an amusement park. I also feel that your daughter has developed and anxiety disorder, which is common, but with a violent response instead of a panic response. This was most likely caused by her past trauma."

My Mother looked pensive for a moment. "So you can cure her then? She would be a normal girl then right?" _Ouch that hurts._ Dr. Greene almost looked enraged. _**I don't know about you but I just creamed myself.**__ Focus!_ "Schizophrenia is not like some common cold. You can't just pop a few pills and say all better now. There is no cure and she will have to take medication for the rest of her life. What I want to know is what do you mean by 'normal'?" She asked. With a huff she answered. "You know normal. Like wearing dresses, talking about boys, not have sex with a _dog."_ I blanched. _How does she know that? Did Dr. Greene... no she wouldn't betray us like that.__** How then?**__ The mirror! She was listing in on the other side of the mirror!__** Snooping bitch!**_ Dr. Greene literally growled at my Mom._ Yeah... I'm going to need new panties too._ With a brief glance at me she asked. "And how pray tell did you know about that?" My mother looked nervous. "I was on the other side of the mirror." Dr. Greene settled herself. "I take the confidentiality of my patients and what they tell me very seriously and by you doing that is a mark against my perfect record, because I should have made sure no one was in there. And for that Holly I am truly sorry." I mumbled an "it's okay". She opened her briefcase and pulled out a number of papers. "This is the terms and agreement for Holly too enter St Jonas. Basically it says either she follows the rules and stays on the property or she goes to prison for a minimum of three years. To ensure that she doesn't leave the grounds, unless with proper authorization, she will be giving an ankle bracelet." "I get bling? Sweet!" I said signing my name on the dotted line. She smiled at me. "Mrs. Fields if you could sigh here and here we can go retrieve Holly's things and then we'll be able to head to St. Jonas."

After retrieving my book bag and things Dr. Greene walked us out to the parking lot. "Mrs. Fields are you going to follow me to St. Jonas or are you going to come by in the morning?" Mother started walking towards her car. "I'll be by sometime tomorrow. I have to take care of my son." She opened her door. "And what about your daughter?" Mother looked over to me. "I will see you tomorrow, Hollianda." I flinched at my whole name, and looked down at the pavement as she drove away. "Come on Holly." She said with a sigh. She led me to a shiny red BMW. "Holly is that how she usually treats you?" I looked out of the window so she couldn't see my tears. "Sometimes. When I first told her about what my Uncle did to me she slapped me and called me a liar. Then she sent me to my room and the next morning when I came down the next morning she made me a-apologize for making up such a horrible lie about my w-wonderful Uncle." I hiccupped. "Holly that's horrible. The one person that was supposed to be there for you wasn't. She. Failed. You. Holly, you didn't fail her." I thought on that as she drove.

Forty minutes later we up to what looked like a huge mansion. "One of our benefactors donated one of her homes, and we converted it into the hospital after our old one burned down." She commented when she noticed my stare. "Cool." I started walking up the stairs, when I froze. _Oh no! What am I going to do?_ "Are you all right? Holly what's wrong?" She asked when she noticed my expression. "I-I can't stay here! He won't be here! No one's going to keep _Them_ away!" I gasped out with my fist clenched. "Who's not here? Who are they?" She asked. "Draco! He's not here! He's the only one that can keep them out when I'm sleeping!" I said grasping and twisting the sleeves of my shirt. "Holly I need you to calm down and tell me what you mean!" She said grasping my shoulders and looking me in the eyes._ She has cold hands. __**Shit! Why the hell are you worrying about her hands when we've got like a perfect shot at her cleavage here?**__ Oh. Those are nice._ I calmed down. "I always use to get nightmares every night but ever since Draco started to sleep in my bed I haven't had one. This will be the first night that I would be without him for almost four years. I don't want them to come back!" I said starting to panic again. "Okay this is good we can use this as a status marker. Since I am not starting your medication until after our first official session tomorrow I can't give you anything tonight. This way we can see if I'm going to need to prescribe anything to help you sleep. Okay?" I nodded. "Alright lets get you set up with an anklet. Then I can give you a tour of your new home and your room." I smiled and let her lead me.

If I thought this place was huge before, I was sure of it now. This place has over four hundred room for patients, almost another two hundred for staff, most of the workers actually live here, at least fifteen rec. rooms, ten isolation rooms, two cafeterias, a kitchen, a pool out back, and even a stable with a few horses. After the tour she led me to what is to become my room for the duration of my stay. "Now Holly all patients are required to wear this arm band, and you have to have it to get your meds and if we leave the premises you will need it to log out. Now you might have noticed that some of the patients have different colored ones, the colors basically denote how much of a threat you are to either yourself or others. White means your either a low or nonexistent threat; usually they are only here for a therapy session and are not a permanent resident. Yellow means the same only they are a permanent resident. Green means that there is a potential for harm but is not likely. Blue is given to all suicide patients and as you can guess it means that they are likely to harm themselves and need to be kept under observation. Finally we come to the last one, red. Red means that there is a high risk for harm to others and they need to be under constant observation when around others. Now Holly I'm sure you understand that due to the nature of our meeting and your past history you now why you're being given a red band, right?"

The truth is that I did understand. _**I for one am happy that we were given red, cause now everyone's going to know not to fuck with us.**_ She said with a skip, which caused me to bite back a smile. Dr. Greene gave me a questioning look. "Scarlet says she happy that we have red so that everyone know not to mess with us." She nodded in understanding. "How many other patients have a red band?" I questioned. "Including you? I would say that there are twelve. Why?" "I was just curious. I'm guessing that most patients have a yellow?" She nodded. "Mostly yellows and greens, with about forty blues, and whites come and go." By then we had reached my room. It was small, just enough room for a twin bed and a desk with just enough room to walk around. The good thing is that every patient has his or her own bathroom. They're small, just a sink, toilet, a small cupboard, and a skinny shower, but is was more than enough for me. " There are some sweats in the closet there for you to sleep in tonight. It's lights out in ten. I'll see you in the morning, good night." I turn to her. "Good night Dr. Greene." I quickly wrapped my arms around her in a hug. She stiffened but soon returned it. Smiling I turned and gathered my cloths to change in the bathroom._ That stupid window in the door going to drive me nuts. I mean any body could sneak up and watch me when I'm not looking._ I quickly changed, turned off the light, crawled under the covers. I thought that I was going to have a much harder time falling asleep but I guess that I was more tired than I thought because a soon as my head hit the pillow I was dead to the world.

**Xx Aug. 28 2001 xX**

I awoke to being gently shaken awake by a portly older woman. "Come on dear time to wake up." I squinted up at her until I slipped on my glasses. She smiled at me and pulled out a clean set of cloths for me. "I'm Nurse Khaust, but you can call me Sarah, I'm one of the three primaries on this ward. Now shower and change then I'll take you down to breakfast." She smiled but warily looked at my wristband. I nodded and got into the shower. When I came out my room was empty. _What are we suppose to do now?__** Explore?**_ I shrugged not having anything better to do.

I left my room and wondered toward the staircase. "All ready dear?" Whirled to face Sarah who had come up behind me. "I don't like it when people sneak up on me." I glared at her. "Sorry. Come with me I'll show you the easiest way to get to your cafeteria." I cocked my head to the head. "Can't I go to either cafeteria?" She turned to me with an incredulous look. "Good heavens no! All patients with either a blue or red band must eat in the upper cafeteria. The others can eat in either cafeteria. The upper cafeteria is more heavily guarded." She explained. _She didn't have to treat me like an idiot. How the hell was I suppose to know?__** I'm not sure I like her. This is going to have to go for further observation. **_I openly laughed at scar cause she was dressed as a doctor and making notes on a clipboard. _**What?**_ _Nothing babe. _She smirked at me. _**You know I have always fantasized about being a naughty doctor. Maybe we could explore this later?**_ I shivered and pushed open the doors to the cafeteria. It was set up basically the same as a school cafeteria. A lunch line on one side and round tables spread out through out the rest. I quickly moved through the line, grabbing a plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice, and found an empty table off to the side. I sat with my back to the wall and watch the other inmates eat. _You know for a mass production pancakes, these are pretty good. _I was about halfway through with my breakfast when I saw Dr. Greene come in and talk to a few of the orderlies. At some point while I was distracted a blond haired girl with a blue wristband sat at my table. I spared her a glance as I continued to eat. When she began to rock back and forth I set my spork down. She was about to slash her wrist with a hidden razor blade when I caught her hand. As I began to squeeze her wrist, I removed the blade from her grasp and tossed it onto the table. I moved to look into her eyes. "If you ever do that around me again I'll break your wrist." I pushed the rest of my pancakes to her. "Eat" I commanded. She did while sneaking glances at me. I didn't even bother to hide that I was watching her._ How old would you say, fifteen? Sixteen? __**I'd say thirteen. **__What no way she has bigger breast than me!__** Not everyone can be as underdeveloped as you, love. **__You know if I cared I would be offended at that, or call you a pedophile.__** Only for you.**_ She said sticking her tongue out at me. I snapped at it causing Dr. Greene to raise an eyebrow as she walked over.

"Karan? Did you try to slash your wrist again?" _So her name's Karan. It's pretty I guess._ She nodded. Dr. Greene took one of the empty seats. "Why?" She inquired. "It's cause I'm a failure, nothing I ever do is right, my Father is right I should just die!" I flicked her on the nose. "Stop with the pity party. Who cares if you do something wrong? I can hardly count past ten because I run out of fingers. You're not a failure cause you do something wrong. You're only a failure when you give up." I said stealing the last bite. She had stopped crying and glared at me for flicking her nose and then looked pensive as she thought over my words. Dr. Greene smiled at me again._ I like it when she smiles at me. __**I like it when she returns our flirting. **_"Nicely said Holly, but if you could have done it without physical contact it would have been perfect." I shrugged. "I had to get her attention before she would listen." I replied with a smirk. She smirked back before she reached over and flicked my own nose, which caused Karan to giggle. "You paying attention now?" I glared at her. "Take care of your plate and come with me were going to get your introductory session out of the way. Karan I'll see you for our therapy session after lunch." I wave bye to Karan and followed Dr. Greene to her office.

It turns out her office is just down the hall from my own room. Her is about twice the size of mine, with a leather couch and chair, a large mahogany desk, wall to wall book cases, and she had French doors which led out onto a balcony with a pair of deck chairs out there. All in all it's exactly how I would picture a doctors office. She reached over her desk to grab her note pad, and gestured for me to sit on the couch while she took the chair. "You know it's actually interesting that you met Karan today, because she's going to be in your group as well." "My group?" She flipped a few pages. "Yes every patient is assigned to a group for group therapy sessions. Besides Karan there's only one other girl Marie." "What's wrong with her." My doctor smirked at me. "Curious? You'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out. We meet for group three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and we individually meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays." I nodded not bothered by that. "I didn't mention it last night but visitor hours are nine to five on Saturdays and Sundays, but since your a new patient you can't have visitors for three months but you are aloud to use the phone or send and receive mail." I lowered my eyes and muttered, "I probably wouldn't have any visitor anyway." Dr. Greene frowned. "So how did you sleep last night?" I raised my head. "It was alright. I think I was to tired to dream." "We'll keep an eye on it and hopefully you won't need anything."

The session went on for a hour and half basically her asking if I hear or see anything besides Scarlet. I mentioned that sometimes I get really bad I see _Him _or _Them, _but mostly I only hear their voices but only when Scar can't keep them out. Afterwards Dr. Greene led me to a room near my cafeteria. We entered and it reminded me of a pharmacy, which is a good thing because that is what it was. "Okay Holly for your Schizophrenia I am going to prescribe Zyprexa which should help for some of your more violent hallucinations." I stopped her. "It's not going to affect Scar is it?" I asked worried. She looked at me. "I'm not sure. I mean it's obvious that Scarlet is nowhere near an ordinary hallucination. In fact I almost think that she is almost more of a mental defense than anything. Now you'll take this once a day with breakfast. Also you'll be given Prozac, for your anxiety, twice a day, one with breakfast and one with lunch. All you have to do is before breakfast and lunch is to come in here, they'll scan your wristband and give you your pills, easy right. If you forget or realize that you have missed a dose it's okay just come in as soon as you realize it and we'll see if it's okay for you to take a late dose. Now should you have any adverse reactions to these medications it's important that you tell us because we may have to change the dose or even change the whole prescription. All right that's about it; we'll get this set up now so that tomorrow you can start. Also I talked to your mother and she said that she'll be here around lunch so you two can eat together than we can take another tour around the grounds." I nodded and went off to find one of those rec. rooms.


End file.
